No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
