My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just had sex bonerless
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
