After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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