who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Pooping to opera.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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