i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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