well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Pooping to opera.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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