I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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