My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize