what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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