First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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