Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
After tacos, we're chasing women.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize