So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
