she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
