I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
