Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
