she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
