Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
