I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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