so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
