Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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