if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
accomplished twins. life is a go
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
