Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
