At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
