she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
