It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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