I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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