Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
