Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i will never coherently bang her
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
