do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My breasts were aching with rage.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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