she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
