i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
