I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
