We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
