i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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