Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
