Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
