so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
