I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sext me about skeletons
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
