Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
