So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
