Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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