she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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