Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
