Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
as a side note pls kill me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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