Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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