I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
