she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
