At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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