real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The beer is more important than you right now.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
