just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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