he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
