he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
did i just pee glitter
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
