Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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