I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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