i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
