you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
