is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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