I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize