The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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