"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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