i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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