he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
