I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
