Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
