I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
