No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
