You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
