Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
