I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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