I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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