now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
