JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
