The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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