At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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