sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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