On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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