Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
