Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
