oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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