He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
either way he was missing a nipple.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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