And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize