The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
