haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
