WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
