..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
