What did we do last night that was yellow?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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