Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
