I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Too much gin, very little bucket
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
