I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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