i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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