Having a random hookup so left but love u
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
