He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
