I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
dude. I can hear the air.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
