This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
