You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
