Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
only if we run a train.
done.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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