Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
